So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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