I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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