A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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