we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
