I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
