Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
