I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
