He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
