at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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