At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
