I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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