bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
