Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
