haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
