Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just had sex bonerless
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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