It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize