Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
