Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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