Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
