I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
