That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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