so that wasnt chicken after all
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize