I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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