My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize