I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
