I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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