Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
