I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Drunk is not a location!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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