i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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