She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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