Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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