and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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