i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
