The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
