Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
