no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
