oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
