My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
