May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize