last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
