JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
