Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
