Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
