and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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