Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
