I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
