Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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