naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
