4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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