last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
