Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
