I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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