My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
