Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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