He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
