I molested 6 butterflies tonight
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
