What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We are two peas in an std pod
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
