Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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