You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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