Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
