I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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