What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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