Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
