Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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