i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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