Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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