I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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