My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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