Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
