If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
