Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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