Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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