i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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