thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
