high people should be assigned attendants
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize