Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
