I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
