we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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