I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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