I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
