do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
