There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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