I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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