hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
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hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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