I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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