Screwed.edu
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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