Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
