I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
