I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
